We've all heard the expression "opposites attract", right? In other words, neat people are attracted to messy ones; adventurers to computer geeks; partiers to bookworms... To an extent, and a very slim one at that, I believe this to be true. At least, in the short-term sense. The attraction may be only short-lived and tempestuous, but it does something to our souls that alters us to the core of our being. Changes us in minute ways that add up over time and give us depth, color, and character. And more.
Maybe some neat people wish they weren't so compulsively clean. Maybe some slobs wish they had a little more control over their environments. Maybe some Type A risktakers wish they could relax and let their avatar chase zombies on Journey. Maybe some nerds wish they could see Yosemite Valley from the top of Half Dome. Maybe some revelers wish they could be swallowed up by the silence of a glider cockpit. Maybe some bookworms would like to cosplay at a Renaissance festival.
Hence, their attraction, albeit momentary, to those individuals who could be counted on to do those things. And with a zeal we might find disturbing at first, exhilarating later. It's actually a wonderful thing when we are drawn to our "opposite". For a little while, they pull us out of our comfort zones and give us a chance to broaden our emotional and physical horizons that lasts far beyond the encounter.
I grew up on Army bases and the beaches of San Diego. I spent much of my youth in my room or on a blanket on the sand, reading. Then I got married. Twice. I ended up in the middle of the Sierra Nevadas, the Cascades, and the Rocky Mountains. I suddenly found myself surrounded by water, mountains, and tall trees. I learned to waterski and fish. Camp and hike and hunt. I was immersed into the world of nature.
That is to say, I wasn't a natural water-skier, camper, hiker, hunter, fisherperson. I was forced to step out of my book wormy comfort zone to learn what that great big wild world outside me was all about because of my husbands, forced to put worms on hooks and shoot a gun. I caught a lot of fish but couldn't kill anything mammalian. I have fond memories of it all now, having been enriched by my encounters with creatures and situations most people only witness on Google. And that's how I fell in love with horses. My marriages with "opposites" set me on a new course of life experiences outside that familiar hide-in-my-fantasies sanctuary I created as an Army brat and sheltered teen.
I had driven through large North American cities like Seattle, Vancouver, Toronto, Miami, LA, San Francisco. They were cool, but nothing to write home about or take a million photos of with my cellphone. Well, actually I did love San Francisco. But it's changed a lot since the seventies although I haven't, so I probably won't go back.
Then I got divorced. Twice. Painfully. I retreated both times into that fantasy world of mine. I read a lot. I wrote a lot of screenplays. Then I started writing novels.
Then one day a few months ago, I got an email from a cousin I'd never met who is an adventurer, a real-time traveler, a pioneer. So unlike me. She asked if I'd go with her on a trip. To Chicago. On a train. After driving across Kansas to her house. By myself. We were headed to a large family reunion in Wisconsin. With people I didn't know. Real live people, not characters in a book.
Whoa. My comfort zone was bound to take a royal beating. But I did it. I had a blast from the past. I saw places I hadn't seen before. I shared a train compartment with people whose only other form of transportation is a horse-drawn buggy. I walked unfamiliar streets full of strange faces. I met people who were knee-high to a grasshopper the last time I saw them, kids who did little more than giggle and smile for the camera.
I opened up and let myself explore another world very unlike the one I'm most familiar with and comfortable in. And I fell in love with that world, with that journey, with that openness. All because of a cousin who I'd never met before and who was my "opposite".
Although my bookworm world is my primary residence and Chicago only as real to me these past few years as Google searches, that lively and vibrant world of bustling life, towering skyscrapers, and skittering seagulls over a beautiful waterfront ripped my soul open and burrowed deeply within. Weeks later, I'm still euphoric. I want to go back. I want to ride the "L" again and stare upward and stroll. I want to be part of that world as well.
My character Chris Monroe grew up in Chicago. She's a dedicated public defender. She has a lot of trust issues. She's buried herself in her work, protecting the rights of the downtrodden. As soon as Will Boone is thrown into her comfort zone, she's forced to step out of it and embrace feelings and desires she didn't know she had. Or simply buried. The two are as "opposite" as two people could be.
But still very much alike. That's why she falls in love with him. They end up finding out along the way as they both tumble down that prairie rabbit hole that they share a lot in common: dreams, desires, values, principles, worldview. All the stuff that we tend to compartmentalize in our minds and our hearts as nothing more than bedrock.
In other words, the attraction of opposites opens us up to whatever inside us is similar, hidden. It yanks all that stuff we've take for granted as our inert essence out of the closet, the dresser drawers, the attic (all the dark and protective places) and exposes them to the light of day. Forces them to be stimulated into expression through the discomfort of change.
Isn't that what our dreams, desires, values, principles, worldview were meant to do? Create beauty and joy and love and hope and power? Chris finds herself drawn to do just that as she falls in love.
My cousin may be my opposite, but she and I share a lot of things in common and can look forward to a lot more adventures together because of it. We've fallen into like not due to the fact that we are opposites but, as a result of its scary ripping-openness, we found we are kindred spirits with all the qualities we need to enhance the world in some small magical way.
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