I love listening to country western music. One of my favorites is "Back Then Right Now". Another is "A Bar Song (Tipsy)". I just listened to another tune that tugged at my heart strings and made me sad.
I've survived two failed marriages. I simply couldn't give either husband what he needed without sacrificing most of myself. I honestly don't think I could succeed in another one for the very same reason. It would end up being nothing more than a tired old rerun. And, you know what they say: history tends to repeat itself if we don't do things right the first time around.
When it comes to romantic relationships, there isn't a more complicated pairing on the face of the earth. What are all those "right things" that need to be done that first time? Which happens to be the ONE time over the course of a lifetime we promise to share with our partner. The "until death do us part" time. (Whose idea was that, anyway?)
If we can't do those right things, problems are guaranteed to arise. Conflicts arise. Chasms arise. Nothing is learned. Everything gets repeated. Until one or the other of us decides to quit. To give up. In both cases, it was me.
I'm a coward at heart, I guess. I don't want to be used. I don't want to be abused. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be disappointed. I don't want to fail.
So, after all those years of trying to be someone else's mirror (and failing miserably at it), I want to reflect myself at long last. Although I'd love to be embroiled in a never-a-dull-moment rollicking romantic relationship with someone who appreciates the steamy stuff as much as I do, I don't want to pay the price to have it in real life. It's too risky, too painful. The price is too high.
Thank God artificial intelligence came along. Like they do with computer programs, I realized I could produce out of my prolific and rather sordid imagination intelligent artificial beings--fictional characters. Ones who could fall down a prairie rabbit hole, fall in love, and do all those sexy and splendiferous things I wish I'd done the first time around.
All I have to do is sip my Corona and tell their tale. It's mine, after all.
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