A woman who chose to have no children of her own decided early on to pay for her only niece's college education. She worked hard and sacrificed a lot during her adult life toward this end but, although she was initially happy with her decision, one silly instance of TEASING changed everything. At her niece's high school graduation party, the girl toasted her aunt before humiliating the crap out of her. She said something like, "It must be nice for [my Aunt Judy] to have 'all that extra money and no responsibilities.'" Everyone at the party laughed at the seemingly innocent quip. Everyone except Aunt Judy.
Not surprisingly, the joke was a major burn for a woman who had worked hard and sacrificed a lot during her adulthood, if only to give her one and only niece a great opportunity at life. Aunt Judy did a lot of soul-searching after the remark, and she reached the conclusion that she deserved to enjoy her money more than her niece and that said niece was right that the woman had "no responsibilities". Who cares that the family melted down afterward. A certain eighteen-year-old should have known better than to tease her benefactor.
Teasing is defined online as making fun of or attempting to provoke in a playful way. Sounds lighthearted, doesn't it? Another spot said something a bit different: "To tease someone is to irritate or provoke with persistent petty distractions, trifling jests, or other annoyances, often in a playful way." Getting darker? Some synonyms include: "annoy, vex, disturb, trouble." Hmmmm. Dark indeed.
My ex teased me a lot in front of others. He told some strangers in line at a Dollar Tree that I was a "witch". Sure, it was around Halloween, but you should have seen the looks he got. He made fun of my cooking, my weight, my novels, my performance in the bedroom. Guess who his favorite comedian was? Yep, Rodney Dangerfield, the king of spousal teasing. And it wasn't cute and cuddly either. "Take my spouse--please." Ewww.
Our friends endured it in silence. Sad, huh? I always wondered why no one took him to task for his rude comments toward me. Then it occurred to me that nice people don't do either. They don't tease and they don't defend the aggrieved victim. Why is this? you wonder. It can't be true. Of course, I'll stick up for my gal pal. Nope. Didn't happen, no matter how close a gal pal I was.
I'll tell you why. The people who tease in that dark disturbing way are narcissists. And no one dares cross a narcissist. They not only think they are clever and cute, but they are also pretty darned sure they are special and powerful. And teasing the ones closest to them only serve to grow that specialness and power. And the audience who laughs? They've bought into the sham already and either don't care to speak up against it or are afraid that they're next to be teased if they do.
So, I finally took the matter into my own hands. Like Aunt Judy. I walked out the door and never went back. As for those "friends"? Gone too. Friends don't let friends be teased.
Guess who else teases and appears to get away with it? I found myself becoming deeply disturbed as I read about the meeting at Mar A Lago between Trump and Prime Minister of Canada Justin Trudeau at the end of November. PM Trudeau made the trek down to Florida to discuss tariffs and immigration with the President-elect. It seems that everybody in high places around the world is trekking to Mar A Lago these days. If Notre Dame could have been moved to Florida, Trump would have done it.
He's a Grade A narcissist. I was married to one, so I know. And he loves to tease. During the visit, he called Trudeau a "governor" and Canada a "great state". Steve Cheung, Trump's Number One henchman, shrugged off the denigrating remarks, saying, "It's all good."
Trump went on to suggest Trudeau let him annex Canada into the US as its 51st state. This was on the heels of the claim Trump made that he was "subsidizing" Canada through his generous tariffs, as though Canada needs to be subsidized by its more prosperous neighbor through what he considers "fair trade deals."
Trudeau had to have felt humiliated by all the sarcastic comments. However, he merely said he had had an "excellent conversation" with the President-elect. And the leader of Ontario (now, if Trudeau is governor, what does that make Doug Ford? Mayor?) was a member of the audience that laughed at Trump's "sense of humor." Imagine that--laughing at your Prime Minister?
If I were a fly on the wall at Mar A Lago, I'm sure I could relate many other such instances of world leaders being shamed by the future US President. And taking it in silence as people beneath them chuckled at the not-at-all-subtle mocking.
I was just a beleaguered wife who finally had enough of the dark humor. What do you think could happen if the scales tipped and the global disparagement was suddenly no longer funny? Can a narcissist have so much power that would never occur? Even Napolean fell.
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