Sorry to offend but the problem is bigger than you think

I read an article online last night before going to bed, and as a result I didn't sleep a wink. It relates back to a verbal altercation (well, textual) I had with a former best friend last year. At the time, she felt very strongly about the topic (and probably still does) and felt that I should too. The problem is, I do. Very strongly. But, in a way that doesn't align with her perspective. Unfortunately, it's not up to me (or her) how other people feel about it. Or should feel about it. And anyone who feels offended by my take on the topic is welcome to bid me adieu.

Last night, I read a story about a young mother-to-be who recently suffered a spontaneous abortion. I experienced the same thing over forty years ago. It's heart-breaking in and of itself to lose a baby, but I was luckier than this twenty-something. She had a condition that caused her to produce uncontrollable blood clots and hemorrhage. So much so that the only way to stop her bleeding was with a D&C, or a dilation and curettage.

I had one done. It took perhaps an hour and removed all the endometrial tissue associated with the failed pregnancy. Tissue that was no longer needed since the spontaneous abortion. If it does not naturally and normally discharge from the body (which didn't occur for either of us), it must be removed via a surgical procedure. A fairly simple and life-saving surgical procedure.

I survived the abortion of what was called a "blighted ovum" and the dilation and curettage that made me unpregnant again. However, the young woman did not. She lived in Texas. Texas law forbids the use of a D&C since its abortion laws have changed. She was given a medication that was not proven to work in her case and she died of hemorrhagic shock.

I stared for the longest time at the photo of her widower crouched over her grave laden with flowers. A young father-to-be, now bereft of his wife as well as his child. I ached for him. I wanted to hold him. Yet, there are no words to console the man. He and his beloved wife are victims of a socio-political environment hellbent on eliminating abortion. Who cares that people who want to have children are also punished by those same laws?

I see our nation trending toward an increase in maternal mortality due to its self-righteous advocacy against abortion. And I dare to call it "self-righteous". Herein lay the difference between my former friend and I. I hate the idea of abortion. I refused to have one myself when I found myself pregnant with my third child. My husband, pragmatic for the one and only time in his life, told me to get one. I said, "Fuck that." I told him to leave if he didn't like the situation.

But, it isn't my place to push my government to create oppressive laws that, although wonderful from a spiritual, religious, principled, ethical standpoint, targets not only the women who fail to take appropriate precautions to avoid conception but also those women who want to be in the family way. Three women have died in Texas alone over this past year (that we know of) due to complications that could not be adequately addressed by Texas doctors. Well, they could have been if their doctors had any balls.

I can't shout it loud enough from rooftops that this nation does not value its women. This nation is refusing to take its women's safety and longevity into any consideration. "Have babies!" they've been told over and over again over this past election cycle by right-leaning candidates. Elon Musk has been urging women to bear children. Has anyone who considers abortion laws a triumph thought about the rights and safety of those baby-makers?

I'm a Catholic and I am dead-set against abortion. But I would rather we overturned all those damning laws and gave our women back their own ability to decide whether or not they wanted to bring babies into the world, the chance to do so if they so desired, and immediate and appropriate medical assistance in the event they couldn't.

There's absolutely no reason for men to cry over the graves of their wives for any reason related to childbirth. We are heading in the wrong direction with respect to female health. It's as though we've gone back to the nineteenth century. I don't care how technologically advanced we are becoming--this rising mortality rate I see on the horizon is unnecessary and unconscionable.

Hate me for my thoughts and feelings if you like. I don't care. What a woman does when she finds herself pregnant is between herself and God.